Sunday, November 30, 2014

More good news! Rejoicing in His sovereignty..

Just in time for Thanksgiving we received more good news...our Homestudy has been approved!! We don't have the hard copy yet, that will come in early December, but we are Very excited to have the study behind us! So for better understanding, I turn to analogies, I am quite fond of them. They aren't perfect and this one won't be either, but hopefully, it will give you a better idea of where this puts us. So, if there were 'trimesters' in this adoption process, I think the first trimester would be everything leading up to and including the Homestudy. The Second trimester would be everything from the compiling of documents for your dossier to the dossier being received in country and the wait for a child referral. The third trimester would be from the receiving of a referral to coming home with your child. That said, December will be the crossover from the 1st to the 2nd trimester, so to speak. This is definitely a time to rejoice! We have learned so much in our journey in relationship with Christ, and this adoption has only amplified that learning and growing. It also continues to humble us, to feel God has chosen us for adoption is surreal and amazing, it has also opened up conversations with other people who have adopted or are going to adopt.  I had the privilege of speaking with a wonderful adoptive mom this past week and I was so uplifted. I have been a little all over the place the last couple weeks, not really sure if it's ok for me to be excited, or how much i'm supposed to hold that at bay, it seems impossible and also terrifying not to do at times. Anyways, this mom talked through pieces of their families' adoption story and she came to the part where this beautiful baby boy was born. They were blessed to be at his birth, hold him, care for him, their hearts open and in love. Then came the two day wait while birth mom made her final contemplation of what she was going to do; parent her child or entrust him to these to-be first time parents. She explained how in those 48 hours her and her husband together needed to surrender before their God this child, they prayed for the child they loved, and his dear birth mother. I left there struck to the heart. They are all God's kids, he knows their parents, and his choice is right, even if we don't understand it. It also doesn't change that they are a gift, and worth celebrating, whether we get to parent them or not. When is a time to not rejoice over their birth, knowing the God we serve has a specific plan for their lives? Is not every moment with them a gift? And if there is joy only when that child comes home to stay, when then can you fully rejoice? I have met moms of dear babies who they carried full term and lost in delivery, my own grandmother twice. Mom's also who's babies they carried full term, brought home, and lost suddenly weeks after. Mom's who's children died in their teen years. Their loss, incomprehensible to me, but isn't that because their life was such a gift? Yes, their life was a gift. Even our baby who we only carried for 15 weeks, what a gift. I am proud to be that baby's mama, and blessed that He choose me to carry him, even for a short time here. Point? I am to rejoice in life. Children born and unborn, ours or others, it is not my call. I have no right to motherhood, only the hope of the calling, and the wait for it's fulfillment. I may love and loose, but the love I am called to give, regardless of if loss is coming, that is my Father's example. So what is it then that i've been stuck on besides fear? I then began to ask myself where i'm putting my hope, what am I focusing on, if i've let it wander. You see, so often I walk focused on him and then get sidetracked, slowly fading to focus back on myself again and what I want and fear I can't live without. I loose sight of the fact that He is still completely sovereign, good, and worthy of all I am, he holds me purpose, and my trust needs to reside in him, as well as my hope. If my hope or trust is in anything else other than in Jesus, it will be misput and destined to disappoint and fail. He lovingly reminds me that this His story, one that we get the of being apart of. His love for us is so great, so unfathomable, it is perfect, and His plan for us is too. His plan for us is not only just, and purposeful for us, but also for the watching world as well, for generations so come. Not that our story will be famous or even spoken of often, but that our story will reflect Him, and His great work in us. That He will use it for his purposes. And for me, even if all of the honesty he calls me to share only draws one life closer to him, it will be worth it all, all the hurt and scary exposure. We are here to be used, to Glorify Him who is worthy, through his blessings, and the pain he allows at times. Our lives are to be lived in thankful response to His finished work, we are the drink offering to be poured out. As I'm writing this post, this song has been in the foreground of my mind. The lyrics come rolling out in my head over and over so I will share and think on the words.

Jesus, lover of my soul

It's all about you, Jesus
and all this is for you
for your glory and your fame
it's not about me
as if you should do things my way
You alone are God 
And I surrender to your ways

Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in your gaze,
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all of my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You

As I sit and think on what is to come, I surrender, I let go. There is freedom here. I hate that I still find myself with the brakes on, after all of it, all of what he has done for me and pulled me through, I fight to trust him, my default is still defense. But again and again, and again, he reminds me of his love, goodness, his faithfulness. He doesn't need to, I don't deserve him to, but he does because he is tender, he is patient, and he never gives up on his kids. I can look up at Him completely exposed, vulnerable, and not be ashamed, for he continues to wash me clean, the biggest waves I can barely catch my breath, over and over again his grace and sufficiency come, they cover me. He is that big, that great, I get lost in his grace. He is teaching me that I don't have to fear what is to come, or worse yet, try to protect my heart from him. I know this, but I still catch myself looking ahead and thinking of all that in unsure, instead of looking at Him who is my firm foundation, has always been, and will always be. I am so excited for the coming months, I'm excited because of him now without refrain, because I know this is going to be good, as He is good. That our roots will grow deeper as we stretch to trust him more, as his spirit moves in us, as he tenderly teaching us. We will be emboldened in him, and become more of who we were created to be, a living testimony to who He is. 

Please, Join us this week praising Him for his goodness and amazing and unfailing love, for He alone is worthy and to be praised!! 

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